This Is How We Roll

Here’s a recounting of my adventurous evening with Alec, mainly for the benefit of his dad, who doesn’t get off work until midnight.
Dad dropped us off at Barnes & Noble and headed to work with our sole working car around 3:40. Alec proceeded to go hog-wild in the bookstore, wanting to read every book on the shelves like one of those toddlers whose parents don’t discipline them. I steered him to the train table, where he sang, “Choo-Choo” repeatedly and said “hi” to the other kids.
After that we headed to nearby PetCo, which is markedly cleaner and less filled-with-the-scent-of-rotting-animal-flesh than the pet store we normally frequent for our Alec-pleasing needs. He liked the birds and mouse (mice) the best and proceeded to talk about them for the rest of the evening. I briefly considered buying a goldfish, but common sense and humanity prevailed. Next, I nearly made a similarly fatal mistake and thought about taking Alec to Hometown Buffet, whose sign proclaimed that it was “Kids’ Night,” featuring a frightening giant bee. When I peeked in the door, I saw the price for dinner: $10.29. That’s just wrong.
Next, we went to FoodMaxx, and all my self-pity about not having use of a car or being able to blow $10.29 on crappy, reheated food was alleviated by witnessing the sad parade of the working poor buying Trix and generic Ho-Hos and using poor grammar with their kids. “You ain’t gettin' no soda ’till we get outta here.” So, classism reigns. In fact, I had to go back for my groceries; with no hottie bag boy at my service, I forgot them at the checkout.
After that, we went to Office Depot and I told them about the people online who were talking about a sale of three reams of paper for 88 cents. They looked at me like I’d grown horns.
Then we cruised through Cost-Plus Foods and then on to CostCo, where I picked up a CD of pictures and Alec and I dined on a healthful churro and I enjoyed a soda—all for $1.66. On the way out the door, that gusty wind thing blew away the rest of Alec’s churro bites, but he just thought it was funny.
Then the walking started again and I got all sweaty. We stopped in Grocery Outlet and some weird guy lectured me on the benefits of Belgian beer, and some lady said there is no way a 21-month-old can talk. After walking another 15 minutes or so, we were home, and I got the shock of my life. (It was probably the shock of Alec’s life, too.) Our house door was open! And Jody was standing between the door and the screen door, which does not latch correctly. The second she saw us she lunged forward and the screen swung open. I ran toward her, Alec started crying and Jody retreated back into the house. Scared the heck out of me, poor indoor cat.
We arrived just as our mail was being delivered, and Grandma Carolyn had sent Alec a whole bunch of clothes—sweet. (Speaking of grandmas, all day long Alec has been begging to watch the episode of Spot where he helps his grandma clean house. Alec says, “Bot! Gamma!” and he also runs and gets the broom to emphasize the point.